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[personal profile] hurricanelaura
Last night my dinner was popcorn and candy as I headed to the movie theater in my quest for avoidance. I saw Spectre, the new James Bond film, and it was alright. I even left the theater thinking that everything was going to be okay.

Everything was not okay.

You know how when you're in an emotional crisis the smallest, stupidest thing can just send you into a complete meltdown?

I came home from the theater and quickly made my way up the stairs. The spare bedroom door was closed and the light was on, so I knew he was in there and awake. As I settled in and checked Facebook, I saw that while I was gone changed his relationship status to "Single".

I lost it.

In my blind, tear-filled rage I went about frantically grabbing boxes of my stuff from the attic and (rather loudly) taking/throwing them downstairs. I called my mother, barely able to talk as I asked her if I could come live with her. Of course she said yes without hesitation and immediately offered to come pick me up. I thought about it, and if I hadn't been chained to this house by my workstation I would have taken her up on the offer. But her house is a good 25 minutes away from here, and that would mean having to get up earlier and fight traffic (pretty much defeating the purpose of working from home). Also, the bottle of wine on my dresser was looking really good and should I partake I would need all the sleeping in I could get the next morning. I hung up and sent a text explosion to my friend in Germany, at this point it was about 2am where he was but he was still awake.

“It is a logical step. What did you expect?” was his response.

Goddamn his German logic. That was so not what I needed in that moment.

I was beyond rational thought as the fury of the storm brewing inside of me crescendoed, unleashed with blindly throwing heavy objects and boxes of my things around. 

As the storm subsided and my mind cleared, I slumped on the bed. My arms and abdominal muscles ached. My heart felt like dead weight. Feeling defeated, I leaned over to a fetal position and hugged a pillow. Why was this happening? What did I do to deserve this? Questions like these looped in my brain and eventually lulled me to sleep.
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hurricanelaura

August 2016

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