hurricanelaura: (Default)
He's still at the bar.
I know he'll be home soon, but lately he's been frequenting more and more
I know there's a bartender he likes.
He looks at her with a look I know all too well
The way he used to look at me.
He doesn't look at me like that anymore, though.
Lately he's told me as such
But when he gets home he'll smile at me expecting dinner
Because that's the only good I am to him now.
And I have to cook for him, because if I don't he becomes shitty.
So I cook dinner for him.
For a man who just a couple weeks ago told me straight to my face that he no longer loves me.
At least, "Not like he used to."
But he really didn't need to tell me that.
I already knew.
It was cruel of him to say.
But he figures, "Ah well, it's been six year. Maybe we should try to work it out."
Like it's nothing
So day after day, night after night, I wake up next to this man.
Attempt to be affectionate.
Attempt to do nice things for him.
Cook for him.
Being careful to clean up after myself so as to not trigger another "talk".
Then I go to bed next to him.
We sleep, close to each other yet miles away.
Everyday I'm unsure of my immediate future.
Do I have to start packing?
Will I have to live with my mother?
Dear God.


This sucks.

He's home now. So now I'm expected to make dinner. Of course. That's what I'm here for.
hurricanelaura: (Default)
Walking on eggshells.

Knowing that sooner or later, they're going to break no matter how lightly I tread.

But at least I'm finally getting medical attention for a disorder I've had and just dealt with for years. Why now? Because Apple has amazing health benefits.

So I have that going for me.

Now, if only the rest of my life would quit collapsing around me.
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Tonight was very much reminiscent of my Chamber Days of Yore back in '05 or so. The place (including the dancefloor) was packed, I got to see some old familiar faces and I danced my ASS off to songs I hadn't heard in far too long.

This was needed, as the news hit this week that the DeFrasias are selling the Phantasy complex. This place has been my second home, a mainstay for me literally my entire adult life from the time I hit my 18th birthday some 17 years ago. For that long it has been my safe haven, my oasis away from the world every weekend where I can either just tune out everything and dance my heart out or sit outside having crazy discussions with whomever happened to be there for the same reasons.

I remember the first time I ever set foot into the Chamber. It was October of 1997, I had just turned 18 along with my pal Melissa from school, and we wanted to check out this new "goth place". I was actually more of a metalhead and she was the furthest thing from being goth, but we had heard about 80's nights on Wednesdays. When we got there, the dance floor was shoulder-to-shoulder PACKED. With the branding of "UNDERAGE" marked quite visibly on our hands with giant black X's, we made our way onto the dancefloor. I saw this guy from school I had an enormous crush on, and he had graduated a few years before I did. He of course barely acknowledged me, but his friend got all up in my shit and I was kind of stuck dancing with him instead. I would much later master the art of removing myself from unwanted advances such as this, but despite it all we had a fucking BLAST and couldn't wait to go again.

This place holds a cornucopia of memories from my life. I've celebrated birthdays, hidden from heartbreak, run from exes, danced and drank my cares away with my friends all under the caring and watchful eye of our Club Mom, Cat. Her included, the friendships forged in this place during these times in my life have made my life what it is today. For all this to have a mortality to me is really a huge slap in the face with the realization that everything really does come to an end eventually. Nothing lasts forever.

I just wish some things would. :-/

More later. This girl is TIRED. ZZZZZZzzzzzz
hurricanelaura: (Default)
Happy passed away in my arms yesterday morning.

I'm just so sick with grief I don't even know what to do with myself.

I'd elaborate, but I'm just not ready.

Rest in peace, my baby. You know Mommy loves you.....

















hurricanelaura: (Default)
Today I made a stone wall for the front garden out of all the stones the previous owners of our house left in the yard.



This entry represents all the energy I currently have left in my body.

Gut nacht.

*falls over*
hurricanelaura: (Default)
I've been asked to post pictures of my adventures overseas, so I decided to use the pictures I have to give a play-by-play of sorts. And I do have more overseas adventures planned in the kind-of near future (not too near, gotta' give those credit cards a breather, lol). But I promise it will have lots of pretty pictures attached to it as well, as where I plan on going is also a very picturesque place. ;-)

For now, Auf Wiedersehen und genießen! ;-)

Norway and Amsterdam )
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You guys, I have some really great friends. I'm really very lucky.

:-)

Just wanted to note that. Thank you, drive through.
<3
hurricanelaura: (Default)
Here I sit in Boston Logan Airport - exhausted, jet-lagged yet full of gratitude for going home in a few hours. Europe was terrific, it really was and I have many stories to tell, but I am so ready to be home and not live out of suitcases (and for that matter lugging them around with me from airport to airport). I miss the familiarity of home - of course my dog, my family, my neighborhood, my own bed, having access to all my stuff yet not having to carry everything I own around with me....ect ect.

Bergen was gorgeous, and everyone working in the hotel as well as the festival was so sweet and helpful...and EVERYBODY speaks PERFECT English, so I had no problem communicating. See the education system in Norway is superb, in some ways much better than ours, and everyone starts learning English in 1st grade, and even in through college. Also everyone in Norway is entitled to higher education, so most of them have their Bachelor's or higher, and when they work they are paid quite a bit more than we are. On the other side of that coin, however, everything in Norway is far more expensive - namely food as Heather and I found out when we shopped for ingredients. For example? Cucumbers. They were $4 a piece. $4 PER CUCUMBER. WHAT.

We worked most of the trip, but the shows I did see were amazing and everyone helping us out were as well. We made quite a few friends with some really cool people, and that almost made up for some of the MASSIVE FUCKERY that came with working that gig.

First there was "The Grill Incident" - i.e. probably the most horrible night in either of our lives (and she was a Hurricane Katrina victim).

Let the stories begin... )
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Sitting on the floor in the middle of the concourse because it's the only place I could find to charge my phone and tablet...drinking cheap/overpriced airport wine, having not showered since early yesterday. I feel like a hobo.

I'm looking forward to checking into my hotel like you wouldn't believe. I've spent the last two days either on an airplane or in an airport. I just can't wait to sleep in a real bed and not have to walk around carrying everything I own.

Though now I can say with confidence that I am no longer afraid of flying - now I'm just sick of it.

Just get me to Bergen....please....
hurricanelaura: (Default)
Well I just got in here about an hour ago, and it's currently a little after 10am. I have to say Icelandair is a nice airline, especially for the price. And while I slept most of my flight in here, I had the pleasure of watching the sun rise over Iceland - which was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, with colors I've never seen before in a sunrise. Riots of bright oranges and reds and vibrant purples and greens...just gorgeous.

As of right now, I'm waiting on my connecting flight to Copenhagen, then finally Bergen where I'll probably crawl into my hotel room and crash as I will have spent the last two days in airports.

Battery's dying. More later.
hurricanelaura: (Default)
I'm determined to make this year just as epic for myself as 2014 was.

I will:

- Cater Blastfest in Norway with the lovely Heather
- After that take a cheapass flight via Scandinavian Airlines to Amsterdam because I've always wanted to see it.
- Come back to the US and find a way to make this career take off even further.
- If I have the finances and situation in a good enough standing by then, do something I've always wanted for my birthday.

I'm excited about this year, I really am. Last New Year's it was about climbing out of the soul-sucking misery of corporate life - the shackles crafted from a combination of security, a steady paycheck, and suffocating rules and schedules. I no longer cared about existing to make money with only a shimmer of my passion hanging in the background like a beautiful dress shoved in the back of the closet.

I wanted to live.

And now that I'm truly living and truly happy doing it? The sky is the limit. Or possibly the stars.

Happy New Year, everyone. :-)

hurricanelaura: (Default)
Today I had a really great Skype conversation with my friend in Germany, Joachim. He showed me his brand new kitchen (spiffy!), and we talked about everything from different politics in Germany to our accents (he thinks I sound slightly British, LMAO) to our families' histories.

One thing he taught me was apparently Austria is considered a sort of hillbilly country by Germans, and they have an ethnic slur for them - Schluchtenscheißer - which literally means "canyon shitters", and there's a ton of references to Austrians " shitting in the canyon". Why do they shit in the canyon? Don't they have toilets? LMAO

In that case, as my great grandfather was Austrian, I'm 1\4 "canyon shitter".
hurricanelaura: (Default)
No, scratch that, life is FANTASTIC.

I mentioned before that I got the private chef job, and that is going incredibly well. Amazing, in fact. I don't even remember the last time I had a job where I practically leapt out of bed out of excitement to get there in the morning. I literally love EVERYTHING about where I work.

Pics, upcoming travel, a small ghost story, and other ways life is awesome )


So in all, I'm happy to report how happy I am. :-)
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My hotels are booked for Glasgow, Edinburgh, and London.

4 day London Underground pass (called the "Visiting Oyster" for reasons unknown) purchased.

Passport acquired.

It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it! :-)

I'm going here


And here


And here


And definitely here

Who's that guy? Who cares? Glenfiddich!

Doing the Haunted Tour here!


Stopping in here for a lunchtime play, a pie, and a pint! :-)


Rocking out to some metal here


And much, much more.

I'm fucking going to Europe. FUCK YEAH. \m/ \m/

NEED SONG

Jan. 8th, 2014 04:07 pm
hurricanelaura: (Default)
I've come to realize that I need some new music. I don't mean recent, just new stuff to listen to. I guess I should do what I normally do and hit up my friends Textbeak or Mr. Disastro up for such things, as they are my official music advisors. Textbeak introduced me to Daft Punk, and Paul to Sleigh Bells, and they haven't let me down yet.

I also have a tendancy to overplay certain songs when I REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY LIKE THEM, and then wear them out for myself to the point where I never really care to hear them again...or at least for a year or two. And I get bored fast. It's this little monster in my ear that I have to keep feeding things. This especially happens with my faster workout music. A song will pump me up for awhile until I've used it too much, then after a time I find myself getting annoyed and eventually just skipping over it.

On that note, here's my Top Songs I Wore Out in 2013
As well as a list of my current earworms :-) )
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Remember that awful music video Eddie Murphy did back in the late 80's/early 90's?

That was pretty much my dream last night. Only instead of Eddie Murphy it was a teacher I had back in high school who looked a lot like Jeffery Jones (Principal in "Ferris Bueller", dad in "Beetlejuice", ect.). The 80's are haunting my head.

Friday we held an awesome Friendsgiving at our house. As I usually do, I had a mix of different friends from different lives of mine, and as it usually does it worked out beautifully. My friend Tamara from grade school was there, and it really shows what gracious people I surround myself with because she didn't know a soul in the house but me, yet everyone did their absolute best to make her feel welcome, and by the end of the night we were all laughing over Cards Against Humanity like old friends. :-)

I made a feast, as it was our Thanksgiving - roast turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, cheddar cornbread muffins, and my increasingly popular turnip cheese soup (it's funny that soup that everyone loves was such an accidental recipe - what Bob Ross and my high school art teacher Mrs. Tabler would call a "happy accident"). I also put out a little cheese and cracker board with smoked gouda, gorgonzola and Saint Andre', which was also pretty popular. It was a great time. :-)

As for my family Thanksgiving John's parents had us for dinner, which was delicious but we couldn't eat too much of it because my mom's dinner was 4 hours later. My mom's house was okay, save for my brother insisting on talking loudly about cars. He is why I live in fear of getting married or dying - because he'd show up at the ceremonies for either and embarrass me even in death.

But I did acquire something cool... )
hurricanelaura: (Default)
I got one of these in the mail today. :-)



I want to go somewhere that requires it RIGHT NOW. :-)
hurricanelaura: (Default)
A little girl keeps walking by our house yelling, "Hell-loooo!". It's a little creepy.

So I'm home for week, I don't have to be back to work until Monday. The reason isn't a vacation, unfortunately. Last Saturday I was doing yoga, and out of nowhere the room started spinning. I clutched my mat hoping it would stop, and tried shutting my eyes but that only made it worse. Happy kept licking my face and pawing at me because I was crying, and John came downstairs just as it started to let up. I was covered in a cold sweat and shaking and crying uncontrollably, I was so fucking scared. I thought- just for a moment - that I was dying. But that moment was long enough to scare the shit out of me. A few minutes later, I found myself vomiting into an empty Amazon shipping bag from the motion sickness. I spent the rest of the day moving very slowly if at all.

The next day, I felt much better, enough to withstand the car trip out to North Olmsted to have the usual Sunday brunch with John's mom and grandmother. I was washing my hair in the shower when it happened again. I managed to sit down on the floor outside the tub, but it kept going and going, much longer than yesterday. I started just screaming at it to stop, it was scaring me so much. John came into the bathroom and hugged me. It finally stopped, I managed to get myself into my bedroom and again I found myself vomiting for the next hour or so. John would empty the bucket next to my bed (bless his heart), and return only to have me have to immediately use it again. I managed to take a nap for a good 3 hours, and I woke up feeling stable enough to go downstairs.

Monday I went to my doctor, and he said it's probably an inner ear infection, and prescribed Antivert and Valium and told me to not drive for a week (hence the reason I'm home and not at work). I didn't fill the Valium script, though, the thought of taking that stuff weirds me out.

I guess something just doesn't feel right with his diagnosis, though. It was quick and assumptive, and I was hoping maybe it would have been a little more thorough. I haven't had an episode since Sunday, but I thought I came close to one a couple times. I do have a couple headaches and such, too, but that's also usually when the Antivert starts wearing off. He said to take it 3 times a day, but it makes me feel sleepy and fatigued so I started only taking it at night. I hate drugs, really, and I'm bad about taking them. Some drugs are designed by big pharmaceutical companies to keep you sick and dependent on them, so I'm far more cautious about taking prescriptions than the average person. If I deem dosages excessive or the drug itself unnecessary, I usually either limit them for when I absolutely do need them or eliminate them from the equation entirely. Like the Valium, I really don't need the 1980's designer drug to sleep, or to become dependent on it to do so.

In any case, I'm feeling much better, though I will be getting a second opinion if another episode happens again.
hurricanelaura: (Default)
Yesterday I was coming home from work and there was a dog on the shoulder of I-90, walking in and out of traffic ( which was slowing down for him). I cut across 2 lanes and got over. I tried slowly approaching him, but he was so scared that he ran back over to the highway. Other people were stopping, too, as the dog kept walking back and forth from the left shoulder to the right, where I was. I ran and ran toward him as he got farther away, but he was too quick for me. After running about a quarter mile he was out of my sight. I was just so sad that I couldn't help him :-( I wish I had dog treats or something to get him over to me.

I hope someone was able to catch him. :-( Poor puppy. :-(
hurricanelaura: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] octobrea suggested that I do something like this, and I thought it was a pretty good idea.

So, from the top left, we have my grandmother Rose hhlding my dad and uncle, my parents on their wedding day, and my grandma Patricia (who my mom is named after). At the bottom starting from the left, there's my aunt Patty (my dad's sister) with my cousin Tony, me, and my aunt Robin ( my mom's sister)

I'll have to hunt down pics of both sets of grandparents, but for now these are what I have readily available. So here are the women in my family!

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